go do what you do best...puke behind churches
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
