we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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