By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
