By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
