Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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