Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
