My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
