Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
