we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
