Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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