Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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