Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
