bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i've created a new STD.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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