he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
