Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
