apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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