Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't deserve a penis
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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