it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
