it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did i just pee glitter
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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