His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
