you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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