I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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