I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
