Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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