Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
