This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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