I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
