Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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