He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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