There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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