He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
