I got chris browned last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
