when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
