i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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