"it" just moved
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Panties = found
Randomize
