Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
