I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
jump out the window naked night went bad
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