I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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