I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
