Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
