He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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