I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
