she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
