the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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