theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
