Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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