is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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