It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
