I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
