dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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