He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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