his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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