Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
