My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
