i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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