she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
