I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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