i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
