You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
