I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this just has baby written all over it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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