They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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