when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
no, he came in my armpit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
