Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Say something about gay babies.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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