Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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