That's intense
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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