I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
