dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
