nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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