dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
