I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
