Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
