The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
