Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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