Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize