I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
