I CAN MOONWALK!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
