I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
