I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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