Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
