Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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