your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Farmville is her only friend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
