Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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