Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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