Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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