So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
