What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
